The following is a list of items that some consider to be characteristics of a bad American. Since I have received virtually the same list, attributed to two different celebrities, I will not mention either name. Rather I will say that I removed a few entries that were basically slanderous, find a few questionable but agree with most. In fact, I added some of my own, guess which ones. -pl

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American.

I am [Enter favorite Name Here].

• I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.

• I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer.

• I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason.

• I believe most kids are brats because their parents never bothered to learn manners. Thus they can't teach a skill they don't have.

• I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.

• I believe that there ARE class distinctions in America, but they are based on how much of your intelligence you use, NOT on the color of your skin or where you came from.

• I believe that if you want to sell me a Big Mac, you'd better do it in English.

• I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for stupid opinions or actions.

• I think you should have to be able to read, write and do basic math before being allowed to have kids.

• I believe that any idiot that tries to use the illogic of "if it saves just one life" to infringe on someone's rights, deserves to be shot.

• I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

• I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God.

• My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.

• I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

• I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching it or arguing about it.

• I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I am freezing my ass through a long winter?

• I've never owned a slave, was a slave, didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So shut-the-*$%!-up about it already.

• I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches. And where does he get his money. And why is he always part of the problem and not the solution.

• I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.

• I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you are breaking the law, regardless of what color your skin is.

• I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation the world for the next four years.

• I think that if you pretend you can talk on your cell phone while eating your Egg-McMuffin, combing your hair and attempting to drive, you need to be introduced to the business end of a .45

• I hate those bastards standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. These people should be targets.

• I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again.

• I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

• I believe that if you have an illegitimate child, it should be the last child you ever have.

• I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement and don't act offended if I turn away when you try to push them in my face.

• I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

• I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you. This even applies when you were President of the United States.

If that makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

If you too are this kind of a BAD American please forward this to everyone you know. We need our country back!